TWITTER is a weird and wonderful little self-sustaining universe.
It’s a special little place where sports superstars can reach out to the average Joe, wage vicious wars against one another and put themselves up for public ridicule.
In this week’s review, we take a look at the 10 best tweets from the world of sport and attempt to find some logic and humour among the madness.
Billy Brownless’ Valentines Day gaffe
This has been one of the more scandalous stories of the year to date, with information coming out in dribs and drabs.
First we heard Billy Brownless and Garry Lyon, co-hosts of the AFL Footy Show, had a falling out or spat. Details were sketchy.
Then it was revealed Lyon was throwing the leg over Brownless’ ex-wife, Nicky. Only for Brownless to find out and confront Lyon.
Then it was revealed Lyon had pulled out of his media commitments due to “mental illness”. Many in the broader AFL community perceived Lyon’s sudden bout of mental illness after being sprung with his best mate’s ex as a convenient smoke screen. But it’s understandable that Lyon has been battling mental illness, the paranoia and secrecy involved with sleeping with your mate’s ex must have been immense: enough to cause a mental breakdown in anyone.
In retrospect it was down right selfish of Brownless to confront the clearly mentally fragile Lyon, because only a devious psychotic would sleep with their best mate’s ex, right?
The admin’s of @AFLFootyShow, in their infinite wisdom, thought they would add a little proverbial salt to the wound of Brownless by posting this tweet on Valentines Day:
A bit of a kick in the guts considering Brownless’ life has been turned upside down by “romance”. The tweet was quickly deleted.
Eddie McGuire and the Flare-Up
Australia’s A-League fans have been arming themselves to the teeth and letting off flares at games in close proximity to the general fan base.
Discharging flares in public is illegal in Australia. Even possession of a flare can land you in hot water. So the big question lately has been, “how are the fans smuggling flares into the stadiums to begin with?”
“Up their jacksie”, or bum, according to AFL – not A-League – supremo, Eddie McGuire.
If this theory is true then going to an A-League match could get pretty serious very soon. Bugger bag searches. Soon it will be, “sir, could you please drop your pants, bend over, touch your toes, relax and cough three times? By the way, you may feel a little…pressure…”
Surely only the truly devoted fans – or weirdos – would suffer a cavity search just to see the Western Sydney Wanderers draw nil-all. It’s a bit rough when you have to endure a colonic irrigation just to duck out of the ground to have a sneaky cigarette.
Adam Voges: the new Don
There have been calls for Adam Voges to retire immediately from International cricket:
An instant retirement would see Voges go down in the history books with a batting average of 100.3, surpassing the late, great Sir Donald Bradman’s average of 99.4.
Some people out there are saying that Voges’ century average is cheapened by the fact that he had to bat against Kiwi bowler Mark Craig. There are probably at least a dozen under-13’s batsmen that could draw an average in excess of 100 facing Mark Craig too.
But who cares? Let’s all hope Voges makes like a bandit in the night and keeps his average over 100.
Mitch Clark reveals pathetic extent of trolling
AFL footballer Mitch Clark, revealed the pathetic depths some internet trolls are willing to stoop to in this post:
Clark has a long and well documented history with mental illness but that is beside the point.
This internet troll should be hunted down because their artistic ability, quite frankly, is woeful. Apparently the doctored image is supposed to be of a noose around Clark’s neck. I don’t see it. It looks as though someone was trying to highlight a tattoo behind Clark’s ear. Or was it a thought bubble in reverse? A demented Pac-Man?
Who knows? The “drawing” in question is so poor that it could be anything.
Clark is a strong man with skill and ability whereas this internet troll looks as though they struggle to draw breath, much less a “noose” around Clark’s neck.
The lesson is if you are going to troll, at least have some artistic skill, or don’t troll at all.
Goromaru tug of war
Japan’s newly crowned ninja master and international Rugby sensation, Ayumu Goromaru, has found himself in the middle of a classic tug of war. French news outlet Canal Plus have been reporting that Goromaru has accepted a one year contract with French Rugby royalty, Toulon.
His current club, the Queensland Reds, have come out with all sorts of colorful denials, demanding that Goromaru is going nowhere or at the very least that he hasn’t quite signed with Toulon at the moment.
This feeble “he said/she said” is understandable. Goromaru is the most bankable star in Rugby at the moment, reportedly overtaking Daniel Carter as the highest paid Rugby player in the world.
Without a doubt Twitter will be going nuts until Goromaru’s future is set in stone.
Tiger Woods’ new shirt
Stop the presses! Tiger Woods doesn’t like buttons! So Nike have designed a shirt with clips instead, just for him.
You know you’re a big deal when clothes designers are asking your personal preferences. I can’t wait to get a call from the pencil pushers down at Calvin Klein. FYI, I don’t like my nether-regions packed in so tightly in their briefs. If they could send me seven pairs of crotchless CK briefs, that would be greatly appreciated.
“Surfboards are overrated”
Big wave rider, Landon McNamara, wiped out in spectacular fashion riding Hawaii’s infamous Jaws break. But McNamara managed to turn his wipeout into something else, managing to body surf his way across the face of the break.
He later commented via Instagram that “surfboards are overrated” – a strange comment from a pro surfer.
Hopefully this doesn’t inspire a rash of other sporting identities forsaking the tools of their trade. Will Chris Froome try to enter the Tour de France without a bike? Will Christiano Ronaldo try to play soccer without the ball?
Doing a Bradbury
14 years ago today, the legend behind one of Australia’s most famous sayings, “did a Bradbury,” was born.
At the 2002 Winter Olympics, in the final for the 1,000 meter speed skating, Bradbury was way off the pace and dead last for the majority of the race. The front pack were jostling for position around the final bend when they all went crashing down to the ice. Bradbury wafted through the mess of bodies to be the first skater over the line, winning the Olympic gold and a place in Australian folklore.
King LeBron breaks new record… no one cares?
LeBron James passed Kobe Bryant to become the most prolific scorer in All-Star games, ever. Now sitting on 291 All-Star points, you would think James’ latest milestone would make headlines the world over. But this new record seems to be a bit of an after-thought.
James’ popularity has taken a back seat to the much more charismatic Stephen Curry this year. Add to that the fact that Kobe Bryant is retiring and you have created the perfect storm for LeBron’s latest achievement to go unnoticed.
It has been confirmed!
Roberto Carlos has finally confirmed what we have all long suspected: Christiano Ronaldo is from another planet.
Just which planet Ronaldo reigns from isn’t exactly clear. Neither are his intentions. Does he come in peace? Has he come to show us all how soccer is really meant to be played? Is he a scout for an invasion?
Free bets and bookie specials for weekend May 27-29
Bookie bonuses to cash in for betting weekend May 20-22
Bookie specials and Crownbet Draft Stars for sports May 13-15
Bookmaker specials for AFL, NBA, EPL and more for weekend May 7-9
The latest bookie bonuses for the April 15-17 weekend of sport
Bookie bonuses, freebies and specials for April sporting events
Sportsbet asks: which Aussie star will be most popular in 2016?
Bookmaker bonuses, free promotions and free cash from the bookies